complicated....lately I have been dealing with inner emotions. In the past few weeks/months, I've gone out to help and console my mother with the care of my dad. They have found no living cancer cells near the tumor however the damage to his bladder system is unrepairable. Which makes his continence nearly nil and my dad {the "proud"} man he is, will not wear a depends to help with his inability.
On top of this, my dad's dementia is starting to show its true colors. My mom has to show him daily the front of the house so he knows that it is his home, consistently pointing him in the right direction to get to their bedroom.
My last visit to my parents home was to prepare my dad to have a silver dollar size melanoma removed from his face. I shaved his face, combed his hair, helped him stand and walk to his recliner. Once seated there, I continued to trim his nails that had grown longer than my own. How should I feel, watching, helping, this strong man....who took care of me! not be able to care for himself. Often when I'm walking from one room to another with him he says "Honey, I wish I could do things by myself, but I'm grateful you are here to help your mom. I wouldn't let her do some things that you do."
Do I sit back and enjoy "his reality" of traveling along the frontier when we're watching John Wayne? He often has mom or I check on the cattle or the men working in the field. Or do I sit back and cry because my dad is slowly disappearing into dementia....I will cry but not yet! I will enjoy even if its just for a cattle drive! He's here and he smiles through somehow!
5 comments:
Dear Caroline,
It is ok to sit back and cry.
There can be joy and humor found in the dealings we have with one with dementia. I hope you find it. The smiles and laughter are as good and cathartic as that good cry.
your parents are blessed to have you.
As my dad experiences his final days, I wish I could be there. You are there for your dad and he knows it now, and appreciates it now. You are doing great and you are great.
with love
Vicki couldn't have said it better so ditto to everything she said. But I am thinking about you and your parents often and have been keeping them in my prayers
Crying along the way it TOTALLY okay! Actually, it's GOOD for you. Tears literally release stress hormones... they carry them out of our bodies. (Truly! They've tested the chemical constitution of tears and found this to be so!)
Too much crying can become habitual (I say only from experience, no studies on THAT ^_^), but crying when we feel the need is good - especially if we can calm it after we let go for a few.
I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. I know you love your Dad so much, so I'm glad you are enjoying what you can! He IS still around... that IS a blessing. I pray you will continue to feel that truth!
I am sorry to hear of the hard time you are having. It is so hard to watch our loved ones grow old and more helpless. Just remember this is part of life and there will soon come a time when there will be no more pain. I recently watched my grandfather slip away from cancer. It was one of the hardest things to see and experience. But I know now that he is happy and free from pain. There are some things in this life that are just hard and it stinks that we have to go through them. I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way. lots of love and smiles ;)!
I'll wait for you to get back and then we can cry together. Kind of kept it bottled up while I was gone. Then we'll go to Mom and Dad's and have fun bringing the cattle in and making vittles for the cowhands. :)
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